t h i n k i n g

so, I’ve already firmed my offer and am now interning. recently there’s not much work and its r e a l l y boring in the office.. sometimes i wish i could just take half a day off but… anyway, I’ve just been roped in (no choice) to some project because i know photoshop. however, I haven’t used photoshop since … idk :( last year? and i only know basic photoshop so I’m really nervous about the job. tomorrow i’ll be briefed about the project, hopefully everything goes well and that the supervisor (which is an angmoh and i think he’s scary) will be pleased.

on a side note, I’ve been doing some thinking. i hate  (hate is too strong a word) dislike  getting scolded, i dislike  being told that I’m wrong, I’m not good at taking criticisms. and this is bad. R E A L L Y B A D theres bound to be many criticism and rejections throughout my undergrad life. i need to learn how to take them all in, without affecting myself too much, know what to reject and what to accept. and most importantly, learn how to keep those tears in. i pretty much tear way to easily.. i don’t know whether its because of a childhood trauma or what but i cry easily whenever a authoritative figure  talks to me. i didn’t do well in jc and my form teacher came and talk to me, note, she didn’t scold me or anything, she just came to talk to me about my plans and stuff and i just cried. not the bawling kind but those sniffles and tears. some of my classmates saw and were shocked :/ i wonder how should i go about changing this. just let me cry and cry every time someone does that? until i get used to it? i don’t even know why i cry, its like i can’t control my tears.

another note to myself is that i have to be more confident :( i have really low self confidence and am easily worried or nervous about most stuff. sometimes i don’t show it so I’m not surprised if some of my friends are shock if they find out about this. i need to be more optimistic too: if i fail, then i just need to start all over again, when presented with something new, take it on as a challenge and not worry about whether i’ll fail or not, after all, I’m still learning.

also, I’m being to wonder whether I’m made the wrong choice for my uni.. i really really like the student works from the other school but eventually turned them down. the environment’s really cool, the have GREAT student works, the vibe of the neighborhood/country is much more chill and relaxed compared to the one I’m going :/ wish i could do half a year in each uni. or maybe i can go there for my masters.. but i wanted to go to another school for masters ohwells. to early to say anything

life in a few months time is gonna be hellish. i wonder if i’ll be able to sleep and eat properly. i hope i don’t gain weight...